It can happen anytime, anywhere.
In the store as you casually stroll the makeup aisle. You know, on that day you decided that you wouldn’t see anyone you knew so you didn’t put on any makeup and your hair is in a messy ponytail.
When you’re out with your friends on that day you admitted that you didn’t look half bad and actually loosened up a little.
Or (and this is the worst) when you just spent three plus hours getting ready for a date. You picked out the perfect outfit. Your makeup is flawless. Your hair and skin decided to play nice with you. You were amazed at the gorgeous creature who stared back at you in the mirror. Your date was in awe…and you were in the middle of a wonderful dinner…
You see her. Some woman walks by who you are sure was sent by some nefarious being who has a grudge against you because why else at the exact moment in your life, when you decided it was okay to not wear makeup, that you didn’t look half-bad, or that you spent three stinkin’ hours shaving, plucking, flatironing, and practically beating yourself into beauty that even YOU had to admit to YOURSELF that you looked amazing (*deep breathe*)…would this stunning person walk in and RUIN IT ALL!!?
And…oh what’s that in a goopy, bullet-ridden puddle on the floor?
Oh yeah, your self-confidence.
That used to be my reaction too when I saw someone that I thought was prettier than me.
Not anymore thanks to a casual conversation with my best friend…who told me the most wonderful bit of logic ever.
I always wondered if my gorgeous best friend ever got self-conscious around women who she thought were prettier than her and how she handled it, so I asked her one day. She looked at me as if I had just spoken a foreign language, and said: “There aren’t any women prettier than me.”
I nearly choked and looked disapprovingly. “Way to be conceited,” I retorted. I mean, I and everyone on the free planet knew my BFF was gorgeous…but I didn’t know all that had gone to her head!
She giggled and said matter-of-factly, “It’s not being conceited. It’s a mindset. I will never think another woman is prettier than me. We are either equal in beauty, or she is less than me. Never more. No girl is prettier than you Dani…never think that.”
I nodded as if I understood, but I still didn’t get it. Not at that time.
But a few weeks later, it dawned on me.
I saw a beautiful girl. And jokingly repeated the mantra my friend said: She’s not prettier than me. She’s as pretty as me. I’ll put her as an equal.
Then it dawned on me. The pure awesome logic of it all.
Think of all the people you admire. Not just beauty-wise— anyone. I admire Maya Angelou. Oprah. Nearly all the Victoria’s Secret Models, my mother…the list goes on and on.
Why do we admire people? Because, we aspire to be like them in some way.
Well, put those people on an equal level as you. Now you’re among the best.
YOU are not less than the people you admire or consider beautiful because if you notice (and admire) the greatness in other people… then you have that same greatness or can have that same greatness.
Yeah, it’s a little shocking to realize, isn’t it? It jarred my brain as well, at first.
But it’s a mindset.
Just as easy as you can think someone is better than you, you can think of them as an equal.
The only difference is: the latter builds you up, strengthens and hardens your confidence so that no one can crack it. So that it changes your whole perspective on everything you do and bathes it in a positive light.
So that when that person that tries to get inside of your head and tell you that you’re uglier than someone else; you can just smile because you know they don’t get it. And you can also smile because you know that person is definitely less than you are because of their ugly personality, which makes their opinion even more irrelevant.
So now I don’t suffer from self-confidence woes anymore in the face of a stunning woman. I am capable of acknowledging her beauty because by acknowledging hers…I must also acknowledge my own.
Submitted by :Dani Lee, Love and Relationships Contributor
Education: University of Mississippi, Psychology, English, Arabic