We can think of every justification and excuse in the book for why we continually find the need to reply to that text message, pretend to ” butt dial”, or touch base with the ex that made an impact (good or bad) in our lives. We can always find a reason for why we have the propensity to continually try to make some sort of contact with that EX— but is it healthy? Does it truly help you move on? I don’t think so.
Over the past several months, I’ve made the painful but absolutely necessary cut off from my ex. I tried the gradual approach—texts here and there or a call to check in and make sure the other is doing well. This left me reminiscent, contemplating, and getting the ball rolling down a slippery slope of potential problems with my current boyfriend. Was this cat and mouse game worth it? Not at all.
Three things got me to the point that I’ve needed to be at for quite awhile, and I’m finding myself extremely happy and at peace with this decision. Thought I’d share with our readers:
1. Go Cold Turkey.
Blair Waldorff and Chuck Bass. Meredith Grey and Derek Shepard. Justin Bobby and Audrina. Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big. I have a rolodex of couples from my favorite movies and TV shows where the cat and mouse game of talking to your ex was a fun and dramatic one. In the end, it only causes more heartache and greater damage for you, your ex. If you’re in a new relationship, you’re hurting the new boyfriend or girlfriend by keeping your foot in the door of your old relationship. Save everyone greater heartache and just move on.
Delete his name in your phone. Block him on Facebook and Twitter. Right-click and remove him from AIM and GTalk.
"But - I know his number by heart. I can just search him on my friends’ profile, and just seeing him on Chat helps me know he’s still there for me should I ever need him."
My answer for those POOR excuses? Grow a backbone, grab two things off the big girl shelf called ”self-control” and ” self-discipline” and move on with your life.
» Do not blame this decision to cut ties on your new boyfriend or girlfriend. Take responsibility, own the choice to cut ties…you’re doing this for you, not for anyone else. You’re doing this so you can heal and move on once and for all.
2. Remember why you broke up in the first place.
I know we’re not supposed think negatively, but when you’re contemplating texting your ex— remember why his title (boyfriend, fiancee, husband, FWB) now has a big ‘ol EX in front of it. Cherish the good times and the happy memories, but keep in mind that there’s a reason why it didn’t work out and you parted ways in the first place. If it didn’t work out then, it won’t work out now.
3. Have someone hold you accountable.
I’m not negating the fact that cutting ties with your ex is hard to do; nevertheless, it needs to be done. Have someone who you trust and who knows the situation hold you accountable. They don’t need to walk around holding your phone to make sure you aren’t texting or talking, but checking in and asking how you’re doing with this now severed relationship is a great way to uphold to your promise to yourself.
This isn’t necessarily going to be easy at first: it takes self-discipline, self-control, and most of all »> self-love ««. You can do it though. I did it and I am much better for it (and happier, too!).
Feeling like venting about your EX? Hit up our ” ASK” box to blow off steam or just ask for advice.
Love, Hope A.
Founder & Editor in Chief @ KHLOE Magazine
- Source: khloemagazine.com